What Is Life

I went to JB recently, and i met a very dear friend of mine. A long-not-seen friend.
We have along chat and suddenly i ask him, "do you really enjoy the way you live now?".

the reason why i ask him is because, i had known him for 10 years, and he haven't really change the way he live, literally.. not very much. He is 28 years old, he still playing game card, ps2 (which i also play), stayed in small flat (which i think he can afford more than that, the never change car from the first time i knew him, the way he dress and the way he carried him self (which i think as evil as ever.. hahaha.. sorry dude)...

So he look at me and say this. "i look at life in 2 ways. One, typical life. You go to work, do your staff. get nagged, save all you need to buy things that sometimes you dunt even use it, have a boring life, get married, went home tired, do nothing except for watching tv and sleep. OR.. you can have life where you really enjoy doing it. do things that you really want to do. use your money to things that you dream to spend or do, having fun with your life, tempted, enjoy it and have friends that care for you.. and in the end.. you dunt regret living yr life... either you get married or not"...

His words really makes me think.. what i really want with my life... am i really enjoy it? am i really in to it. am i really having fun with what i do? as people who know me.. my life is really up side down.. and i'm tired of fighting with my own life.. i always think.. is it worth for fighting what i want? and embrace what coming to my life even i have to sacrifice my life and what i really want to do.

but after hearing what he said to me... i really give a thought... is this what i want? is this the life that i really choose... i haven't really give a thought about it.... but i will... i need to figure out what i really want with my life.. i have a few option.. which i'm not sure which is i really want.. to tell you the truth.. i am a bit loosing my self.. so.. right now.. i really ave to figure out what i really need in my life... about friends... about my own future.. about what i want.. about my own LIFE.....

there will come times when i have to decide.. and really fight for it....
May GOD bless us all and have our own way of life smoothly going.....

Another Boring Weekend...

Its pretty hard to get up on Saturday...

i have nothing to do..
nak kuar,,
malas..
plus.. hujung bulan..
so poket pun kering la

same goes with hari ahad..
i have no idea what to do

my niece ajak datang umah dia dan pi mancing
but im too lazy to go there
plus..
im not sure why i dunt really feel like im going back there..
i just want to spend my time alone
thats what i feel...

but..
as i am alone.. i become too boring..
haiyooooo

nak pi kuar pun malas..
tak kuar.. boring pulak..
huhuhuhu

i wish i have a greater life
ya..
ya.. but in tend to do that..
of course
i have to get alot more money
ya..
money is just a plain simple important thing a novel..
so in the life..

since i am so bored..
i was thinking that i should write again
yup
perhaps that will do
my very own novel...
hahahahaha

oh well
better start now then never
as i always want to write a novel..
so here goes,.....

Another Boring Weekend...

The Choice

Yes..
life is about the choice that we made
we do some times think that we made a absolute choice.. stay with it.. but when the choice is not in the way what we want.. we try to stay.. fight for it..
and make some changes.. make a new resolution so we can stay alert to the choice we had made..

but what if the choice we made is not meant for us...
thats what happen to me..
i had made a choice.. i thought that i had made a great choice for my life..
but.. i turn out not to be it...
i choose to stay in the work line for what i do now...
but i loose my life..
my social life..
and i never thought that i also loose my life..
yes..
my work cause me a great deal..
i barely sleep..
always had headache..
loose my social life...
and it cost more than you could imagine...

i tried to stay in the work that i do..
made a new resolution..
thinking about the the reward in the future...

but.. after a while..
i had to rethink all this thing all over again..
and i don't want to loose some more...

i need a sleep..
I need my social life..
after all..
I'm only a person.. a human..
and we have only 1 life..

yes... every one want to be rich.. but...
why i have to sacrifice everything when i loose everything..



after listen to new song by Kris Allen (which i fall in love with).. title..
Live Like We dying...
oh my.. that song give me a new life perception...



yes..
i have to fight foe my living.. but at the same time..
i have to live like im dying...
do thing i want to do..
enjoy life while i can..
live life like everyone else do...

so.. its time for me to decide...
i have to quit for what im doing now...
get a new job..
get a new life...



GOT TO LIVE LIKE I'M DYING...

Hard Life

Pernakah anda terasa seperti ingin mengalah..
Ingin menangis tetapi dia siapa yang boleh menjadi teman..
Ingin melepaskan apa jua yang anda impikan.. yang anda usahakan...
sebab sudah tidah tahan dengan dugaan yang menimpa ?

Keadaan saya seperti itu sekarang..
ingin menangis.. tapi siapakah yang akan mendengar tangisan ini?
ingin meraung.. tapi apakah gunanya?
Sesekali ada juga terlintas difikiran ingin membunuh diri.. tapi adakah itu jalan penyelesaian yang terbaik.. adakah masalah akan selesai dengan membunuh diri..
TIDAK!!!!!
saya masih lagi waras.. walaupun perasaan itu hadir...
namun saya tidaklah sebodoh itu untuk membunuh diri..
malah.. Islam juga melarang untuk penganutnya membunuh diri.. berdosa besar..
saya tidak ingin selepas saya mati membunuh diri.. saya akan diseksa dikemudian hari..
malah dijamin tidak akan berbau syurga....
saya tidak ingin perkara itu berlaku pada diri saya
tidak.. tidak sesekali...



Namun.. saya juga tidak menidakkan tentang masalah yang mengganggu hidup saya..
saya tidak lalu makan.. tidak lalu tidur...
malah.. saya serba salah...
serba tidak kena saya di buatnya... apa yang harus saya lakukan?
menidakkan apa yang terjadi adalah satu perkara yang mustahil.. sebab ianya sudah berlaku....
menghadapi nya.. adalah satu perkara yang membunuh diri sendiri...
saya pernah terfikir untuk lari dari sini... lari dari segala masalah yang menimpa hidup saya.. tapi.. apakah itu jalan penyelesaian yang terbaik...
lari dari masalah... adakah saya seorang yang pengecut?

saya hanya bercerita kepada J tentang masalah saya.. walaupun dia sendiri mempunyai masalah yang perlu dihadapinya.. tapi dia tetap melayani saya..
saya sangat berterima kasih kepada J.. namun itu tidak cukup..
J meyakinkan saya untuk tidak membuat tindakan melulu.. kerana katanya.. tiada apa yang akan berlaku..
namun kata2nya masih tidak dapat menenangkan saya
kegusaran.. ketakutan.. menghantui hidup saya.. saya menjadi tidak tentu hala..
malah saya juga sudah menjadi separuh gila dibuatnya
saya hanya mampu berkurung di dalam bilik..
makan pun tidak tentu hala..
jambang saya yang sudah panjang juga tidak saya hiraukan...
mandi pun tidak tentu hala..
pendek kata.. saya seperti orang hidup segan mati tak mahu...


pernah juga terlintas di fikiran saya untuk berkhidmat di Afganistan...
bukan sekadar untuk berkhidmat.. tapi sekurang2 nya saya boleh melakukan sesuatu untuk tidak memikirkan masalah saya pada waktu ini.. malah.. jika saya terbunuh.. saya .. setidak2nya.. saya mati syahid.. harap-harapla...
tapi itu hanya lah omongan kosong... fikiran yang tidak logik dan fikiran orang yang sedang buntu dan tidak boleh berfikiran dengan baik...

jadi.. apakah yang harus saya lakukan...
pada masa ini.. saya pun tidak tahu apa yang harus lakukan..
namun apa yang menjadi jelas pada saya...
saya harus kembali kepada Yang Maha Esa.. Yang Maha Pencipta..
mengadu padaNYA.. ya .. itulah yang saya lakukan sekarang....

kerana tiada manusia yang dapat memahami apa yang saya lalui sekarang..
tiada seorang manusia pun....
saya menangis dan meraung kepadaNYA.. dan DIA tetap mendengar rintihan saya..
sejahat manapun saya.. sebanyak manapun dosa saya.. tapi DIA tetap ada apabila saya memerlukan DIA.. mendengar setiap rintihan saya..
malah.. DIA memmebrikan saya ketenangan yang tak saya ungkapkan...



Ya.. kita sebagai manusia selalu lupa akan DIA.. tapi DIA tak pernah lupa tentang makhlukNYA... sejahat manapun kita.. sebanyak manapun dosa kita... DIA adalah Maha Pencipta.. kepada DIA lah kita kembali...
dan DIA tak pernah mengabaikan walaupun satu makhlukNYA...



dan pada ketika ini... walaupun saya masih tidak dapat menentukan apa yang patut saya lakukan.. setidak-tidaknya.. saya masih ada DIA untuk membantu saya... menenangkan saya.. memberikan jalan yang betul untuk saya pilih....dan saya... seboleh-bolehnya.. tidak ingin lagi berpaling ke arah lain.. seboleh2nya.. harapan saya.. iman saya teguh.. untuk menghadapi apa jua masalah yang mendatang..

The Unforgotten Trip

i ve been in KL for more than one week and 2 days. its been a very hethic week for me....
i went here sebab my boss ask me to go out station and give some kind of new market plus some kind of kursus insentive for me while im here....
i was amaze that the market in Kl was way bigger than i thought.. and of course... way bigger and much much potential berbanding Terengganu....

While I'm here.. i learn so many new things....
of course regarding with my carrier.. but some how.. we always think that we knew so much.. but yet we actually knew so little....
we always feel that life isn’t really fair.. but yet....
the rewards sometimes come in unexpected way.....
i Love the job im doing now... go over a places that i eventually take granted.....
and yet.. that places gives you the chances of living.. to earn money......
my job is to find customer....




meet them... and cuba memenuhi permintaan mereka atas keperluan mereka..... seems easy ha... hahahahha.. yet... its eventually hard to actually convince them to buy stuff from you......
at first.. i feel very embrass to go and meet the customer...
sebelum ini... aku just jumpa customer that i knew and around me....
my dear friends... and people that i knew.......
but.. when it comes to doing business.... you eventually have to go out dari kepompong dan terbang sebagai rama-rama.....




for more than this one week... i met a lot of people.. with all kind of attitude... and all kind of kerenah... some times... they upset you pretty much.. until you actually feel in deep depressed... and sometimes... they just ignore you like you are not there.... and sometimes... aku di halau keluar ..... tapi.. tidak semua manusia berkelakuan seperti itu... there are also customer who give really a good response... even out of my expectation....
living in this kind of business ... unexpexted things can happen... and all kind of things can actually happen... so.. from that i learn to prepare my self.... to overcome the over joy... the sadness... and the depression... even the tension derive from customers....
my boss told me that.... we do as we can.. and we live as we can.... if we believe in our selves... and of course believe in THE ALMIGHTY ALLAH.... we can live through anything.......
yes... i almost forgot that... my mother always say that... and i.. in disadvantage... always took what she said for granted.... bukannya tidak mendengar kata.. tapi kadang2 kita lupa....
bila di peringati balik oleh my boss... . perkara pertama yang terlintas di fikiran ku... this is what my mother always said to me......
there is nothing more that i want to share in this post..... is actually.... every single words come from our mother... is actually a priceless words that we kids always forgot and take it for granted......
REMEMBER.... there are no single parents in this whole wide world that don’t want to see their children live happily... its up to us to decide... either to listen and put in our heart.. or.. the other way around....

Is She The Right Person???????

hahahahhaha
Sebelum aku nak tulis apa2 aku nak gelak dulu.. boleh ker...
huhuhhuhuhuh

this sound silly.. but its true.....
I'm at the age of 27... and yet... this is the first time i'm in love with a gurl...
bukan tak pernah suka kat other gurl....
dulu.. masa kat U.. ada this gurl...
my course mate...even she is not as hot as other gurl...
tapi.. in my eyes.. she is so pretty... so lovely.. and so heart melted...
bila aku marah.. aku suka pi kat dia... sebab....
aku akan jadi cool balik bila borak ngan dia..
well.. unfortunately...
she's not meant for me...
she was my friend.. and will remain as friend as long as we live... :)



now.. back to this gurl.. called D....
mula-mula di awal perkenalan.. hubungan aku dengan D hanyalah hubungan business...
not more than that...
tapi.. pertama kali berjumpa.....
i think she's sweet....
she maybe not that pretty.... but she sweet...
it's been almost 3 weeks since our first date...
dan boleh di katakan hubungan kami berjalan dengan baik...

even we have our life... been bz around..
but we have to sms and called each other...
the worse part is...
aku tak tau macam man nak cakap kat dia yang aku suka kat dia..
and i think that she likes me too.....
well.. my friends said that too....

and the funny part...
aku memang tak tau macam mana nak approach her....
1st timer la katakan.. banyak yang nak kena belajar...
hahahahahaha

tapi.. betul ker she meant for me?
huhuhuhuhuh
biar lah jodoh yang menentukan...
kalau betul..
Alhamdulillah.. tak perlu la lagi aku terus dengan dunia aku yang gila2 ni...
dunia yang pernah aku kenali yang tak akan membawa aku ke mana2 pun...

oh well....
we just wait and see....
:)